Here’s a question I’ve wrestled with when advising students: how much of myself and my own personal life do I share with them?
I’ve had students that I got to know on a more personal level and I’ve found that sharing stories from my own experiences tend to provide a great infrastructure for explaining why I think they should go one direction or not. Because of my position in grad school, I also think some students sought out my advice because they knew that I would give them an honest assessment of what they said. I won’t lie though, I’ve always struggled with how much I should tell my students about me.
Here’s the conclusion I’ve come to: I think you’re crossing a line when you start asking your students for advice. Obviously relationships can grow and mature and change, so I’m not discounting that can happen. However, I was placed in their life and they’ve come to me because I’m a trusted advisor. They share their struggles with me because they think I can help or at least listen. I almost feel like it’s a betrayal of their trust to start asking them about personal situations unless they’re personally involved in such situations.
I don’t think I can ever not share my stories with them of why I’m giving them such advice though. Obviously I withhold on the details that I think venture into inappropriate territory. But I also think it’s inappropriate to give advice without sharing how you came to this advice. Sharing in this method allows the student to judge objectively whether following your advice makes sense for them.
